What comes to mind when you think, “I want to know how to be better with money.” If you’re like most people I’ve coached, your brain goes straight to the numbers:
More income.
Less debt.
Bigger savings cushion.
Investments that actually grow.
And sure, those things matter. Obviously. But they’re not the whole story. They’re just the part you can see. The real work in how to get better with money happens in the part you can’t see – your inner world. Because real financial wellness isn’t just about net worth. It’s about the quality of your thoughts, the energy behind your decisions, and the peace you feel when you open your banking app.
I define financial wellness as confidence, peace of mind, and clarity. It’s the way you sleep at night. It’s whether you can actually relax on vacation instead of running mental math about what you’ve spent. It’s that quiet knowing that you – not your money, not your bills, not your circumstances – are the one in control. And if you’re navigating a divorce or any big life transition, that clarity is the most important piece.
Transition throws your nervous system into overdrive
Divorce doesn’t just split assets or change addresses. It upends your entire sense of safety and identity – two things money is deeply tied to. Suddenly, you’re making major financial decisions while emotionally flooded: where to live, what to keep, how to support yourself (and maybe your kids), how to rebuild your future.
That’s why traditional money advice like “make a budget,” “track your spending,” “save 20%” can feel tone-deaf in this moment. It’s not that the math doesn’t matter; it’s that your nervous system is already maxed out. You can’t spreadsheet your way out of the emotional rollercoaster.
Fundamentally emotions impact decision making. And if we’re not accounting and giving ourselves space for the fear, uncertainty, grief, guilt, or even relief, then we’re missing a massive part of the strategy. Because financial wellness IS emotional wellness.
Money is more than math
Money is woven into everything – survival, safety, belonging, love, freedom, status, even identity. So when your relationship or marriage ends, it’s not just the practical stuff that changes. You’re learning how to make choices from your own values again, not as part of a couple. But rediscovering your own values is the one of the most challenging parts.
That’s why even small financial actions can carry emotional weight that can seem disproportionate. Deciding whether to hire help, buy new furniture, or planning a trip can suddenly trigger spirals of guilt, fear, or self-doubt. You start questioning, “Am I being responsible?” or “Can I really afford this?” or “Who even am I now?” And if you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I should know better by now,” know you’re not behind. You’re just human.
The traditional model of financial health tracks only dollars, not nervous systems, not identities in transition. But that’s exactly where the real growth happens.
Clarity is your greatest financial asset
When things feel uncertain, clarity gives you grounding. Not clarity about every number or future outcome, that will come late. But first clarity about your intentions. What do you want this next chapter to look like? What does financial safety mean for you? What does financial independence mean?
When you start there, you can rebuild your financial strategy around your life. You make decisions from internal alignment instead of fear or reaction. You can start figuring out how to use money as a tool to help you build the life you want. And that’s where true empowerment and confidence comes from – from peace and intention, not perfection.
Let’s radically reframe wealth
Wealth isn’t just assets and accounts. Wealth is space to breathe. It’s freedom to choose from a calm, grounded place. It’s being able to say “yes” because you genuinely want to – not because you’re trying to prove something or keep up. And it’s saying “no” without panic, guilt, or fear of disappointing anyone.
The more emotionally regulated you are, the clearer your financial decisions feel and become. When you’re calm, you’re resourceful. You see options and opportunities. You take deliberate, strategic action. You’re not reacting to all the external forces.
That’s what redefining your relationship with money looks like – especially after a major transition. It’s not about doing everything “right.” It’s about coming back to yourself so you can build from a place of clarity and confidence.
A reflection for you
What’s one small money-related action you’ve been avoiding?
Now ask yourself:
What would it feel like to do it from a place of calm and intention instead of fear, frustration, or avoidance? That shift into peace, intention, and grounding – away from reactive and panic – is the foundation of building wealth. Internally and externally. Because when you have clarity, you can rebuild anything.