No matter how much or how little money someone has, almost everyone worries about it. I’ve even heard women declare, “Money stress is killing me.” Most people will not admit it out loud, but money anxiety is a universal experience. And when you add divorce into the mix, those worries can skyrocket. Inside divorce, questions about money multiply.
Am I going to be okay?
Can I afford this decision?
Should I be saving more?
Is this financial advisor right for me?
Can I really afford this vacation or this new place to live?
If you have found yourself in this space, you are not alone. The good news is that money stress does not have to control your life. You can learn how to build a calm, grounded relationship with money that supports you during divorce and for years after. That is the heart of my work as a money coach.
Why Money Touches Every Emotion You Have
Money is tied to survival – food, shelter, safety, stability. It is also tied to status, expectations, image, identity, and self-worth. Because money is connected to every part of your life, it’s natural for fear, guilt, shame, or panic to show up.
Many people do not examine their relationship with money because they assume money is just math. But it’s much deeper than that. Money is deeply emotional. Your behavior with money is driven by the thoughts you have, the stories you have learned, and the identity you have built around what you think you deserve.
This becomes even more intense in divorce, because divorce is a period of transition. And transition naturally puts your nervous system into overdrive. You are moving from one life into another, and everything feels messy in that middle place. When things feel messy, clarity disappears. When clarity disappears, fear takes over.
Why Traditional Money Advice Does Not Work During Divorce
In times of emotional upheaval, people can’t absorb advice like create a budget or track your spending. Your brain is busy trying to feel safe. You are thinking about kids, the house, legal decisions, and the future. Sitting down to categorize expenses feels impossible, because it is. When emotions are high, the ability to think clearly is reduced.
This is why I never begin with a spreadsheet – instead we focus on mindset work. We explore what you learned about money growing up, what emotions you attach to spending or saving, and what your fears are trying to tell you. Only then do we move into the numbers.
Once we start examining your actual spending, you’ll start to see patterns. That’s because you can clearly see your choices from a distance, not from an emotional blur. A client once told me she has no idea where her money goes, because she felt like she never ate out. Yet, when we reviewed her transactions, she discovered she had eaten out three times in a single week because she had been feeling stressed at work. For the first time, she saw how her financial habits are driven by her emotional state.
This is why money is so much more than just math and numbers. Spending is often an emotional response, not always a logical one.
Money Coaching During Divorce Is Not About Judgment
I am not a financial advisor and I am not here to invest your money or tell you how or how much to invest. My work sits in a different space. I guide you through mindset, behavior, and implementation of new skills and habits so you learn how to handle money with confidence and ease.
I do look at your numbers, but it is not about shaming or restricting you. Our goal is to uncover why you do what you do, and align your money choices with your values, intentionally. Most people believe their spending reflects their priorities. But it often reflects stress, avoidance, guilt, or old beliefs that no longer serve them.
And once we solidify the plan, I stay with clients through the implementation. Because that is the hardest part. Making a plan is easy – living the plan takes support.
The Emotional Side of Money: Guilt, Jealousy, Identity, and Fear
Divorce brings out complicated emotions around money.
Jealousy when you see what someone else has.
Guilt when you spend on yourself.
Fear when you imagine life after the settlement.
Bitterness if you feel you lost more than you expected.
But money does not cause these emotions. Money is neutral. Your thoughts about money create your emotional experience.
One common example is feeling guilty receiving money or assets after a long marriage if they are not the one who generated the income. But if you spent years raising children, supporting your spouse’s career, or maintaining the household, you 1000% were part of the asset creation. You worked for those assets.
Your Greatest Financial Asset Is Not Your Bank Account
Your greatest financial asset is clarity.
Clarity reduces fear.
Clarity gives you direction.
Clarity lets you make choices from a grounded place.
But clarity requires space. Most people run through life in constant motion, never pausing to reflect. Without the space and the reflection, confusion becomes the default. And confusion can lead to avoidance.
Avoidance is one of the most expensive money habits there are.
When you know what life costs you, when you understand how you want your life to feel, and when you craft a plan based on both your emotions and your numbers, everything shifts.
You start leading your choices instead of reacting to your emotions; and you no longer feel like you’re being pushed around by life.
True Wealth Is Not What You Think
People often define wealth by numbers. Investments, property value, retirement accounts, bank balances.
And yes, that’s part of it.
But I like to define wealth differently.
Wealth is space to breathe.
Wealth is freedom to choose from calm instead of panic.
Wealth is the ability to say yes because you truly want to, not to impress others.
Wealth is the ability to say no without guilt or fear.
True wealth is grounded decision making. It is emotional peace.
If You Are Afraid You Cannot Afford to Divorce
If someone comes to me and says, I do not know if I can afford to get divorced, the first step is information. You must understand what your life actually costs. You cannot make empowered decisions in the dark.
Once you have the information, you can start creating a plan. The goal is to get to a place mentally and financially where money is not what keeps you trapped. Money can restrict you or it can free you. The difference is clarity.
Many people avoid looking at the numbers because they fear what they will discover. But the moment you know the truth, even if it is not perfect, your anxiety begins to decrease. Information gives you control. Control gives you freedom.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is emotional. Money is emotional. When the two collide, it can feel overwhelming. But you do not have to navigate this alone, and you do not have to stay feeling stuck.
With clarity, structure, and support, you can build a relationship with money that feels calm, confident, and grounded. You can design a money plan that supports your values, your goals, and your next chapter.
If you are ready to explore that journey, I would love to help you build it.
Like this article? Check out “How to Be Better With Money”