January always feels like a natural reset point in life. It is a moment when we look forward and ask ourselves who we want to be and what kind of life we want to live. If you are moving through a divorce, that question becomes even more central in determining where you want to go and who you want to show up as in the world. But I want to tell you about two things that really matter and why just getting through a divorce isn’t good enough.
It is important to remember that divorce is not just a legal process, although when you are in the thick of things that is often the area of primary focus. Instead, divorce is a complete life transition. It impacts your finances, your family, your identity, and your future. This is why these two things matter so much: staying aligned with your values and your long term vision.
Why Just Getting Through is Not Good Enough
Most of my clients come to me with a very understandable goal. They want the divorce done, over, and in their rear-view mirror. They want the emotional, legal, and financial pressure to stop. They want the uncertainty to be over. I hear this every day from women who are simply exhausted at every level from trying to be moms, employees, entrepreneurs, friends, caregivers, and providers for their family while also navigating the divorce process.
Many of my clients tell me they do not want to waste time on exercises about values or future vision. Some choose not to work with me because they want the fastest way to get through the process and come out the other side as unscathed as possible. They want to power through and hope it all works out and that they have what they need when the dust clears and they can start living life again.
But here is the truth. When you power through without clarity, you often end up with a settlement that meets the needs of the moment but does not support the life you want to build. This is not just about the finances, this is about who you are and how you show up throughout the process, as this sets the basis for your life moving forward.
Values Drive Beliefs, Beliefs Drive Behaviors
Values alignment creates a stable foundation. It helps you make decisions that support who you are becoming rather than who you have been in the past. When you know your top values, whether that is stability, independence, family, peace, freedom, or personal growth, you begin to see your choices very differently. You stop reacting to the emotional swirl around you and start responding from a grounded place. You recognize what is non-negotiable and what you can release or let go of as a “hill to die on” issue in the divorce. You become intentional rather than overwhelmed, and you can trust your decision are coming from a place of authenticity and intention.
Your future vision does the same thing. It gives you a roadmap. When you can picture where you want to be in one year, three years, or five years, your divorce decisions become clearer. Instead of getting caught up in winning or losing, you start asking a completely different question. You ask whether this decision brings you closer to or further from the future you want. This shift alone reduces conflict, simplifies negotiations, and often saves considerable time and money.
This vision is not a pretty board, although vision boards can be very motivating. It is also not a bunch of Post-It note affirmations on the bathroom mirror. It is a clear understanding of what you want for yourself in the future. Think of it this way, if you don’t know what you want in your future, how do you know what to ask for in the settlement to ensure you can get there?
Feeling Confident and Empowered
Clients who resist this work at first almost always become the strongest advocates for it. They tell me the process helped them feel more in control. They say it helped them communicate more confidently with their attorney and ensured they didn’t spend hours rethinking and changing their mind, which helped to reduce their legal bills. They say it changed the entire tone of their divorce. Most importantly, they tell me they made choices that supported the life they are building rather than the fear they were feeling.
Divorce is not just about closing a chapter. It is about designing the next one. When you align with your values and your vision, you step into decision making with clarity and confidence. You reduce emotional and financial costs and those three in the morning wake ups with a million divorce concerns whirling around in your head. You stop operating from survival and begin operating from purpose, and that is the difference between simply surviving your divorce and using this transition as the turning point into your strongest and most grounded future.
If you are beginning your divorce journey in this new year, give yourself the gift of clarity. It will support you far more than you can imagine today, and it will shape the life you step into tomorrow.
Like this article? Check out “The Unexpected Benefits of Divorce That Women Don’t Talk About (But Should)”