Divorce can bring out the worst in otherwise reasonable people. Emotions run high, trust breaks down, and fear about money, children, and the future can lead people to make decisions they never imagined they’d make. They might even resort to sneaky divorce tactics to get what they want.
As a divorce attorney who has spent nearly two decades litigating family law cases, I’ve seen firsthand how some spouses use manipulative or aggressive tactics to try to gain leverage during divorce proceedings. These tactics are often designed to intimidate, exhaust, or catch the other person off guard.
The good news is that awareness is power. If you understand the most common sneaky divorce tactics, you’re far more likely to protect yourself and respond effectively if they arise.
Here are four common sneaky divorce tactics I see in high-conflict divorce cases, along with practical ways to prepare for them.
1. Using Domestic Violence Claims as a Litigation Weapon
Domestic violence restraining orders exist to protect people from abuse. They are critically important legal tools when genuine abuse is occurring. However, in contentious divorce litigation, restraining orders can sometimes be misused as a strategic weapon.
In California, domestic violence laws are broad. Claims can include not only physical abuse, but also coercive control, disturbing the peace, financial abuse, or emotional manipulation. Because restraining orders can create immediate legal presumptions regarding custody, support, and even who stays in the family home, they can dramatically shift the balance of power in a divorce case.
For example, a restraining order may:
- Temporarily remove a spouse from the home
- Impact child custody arrangements
- Create presumptions favoring one parent
- Influence support decisions
In some cases, a spouse may exaggerate claims or present selective evidence, such as isolated text messages taken out of context, to obtain temporary orders before the other person has time to respond.
How to Protect Yourself
Preparation matters. If you believe your divorce may become contentious:
- Consult with an attorney early, even if you hope to mediate
- Preserve texts, emails, and financial records
- Stay calm and avoid inflammatory communication
- Understand your rights before any court filings occur
One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming they’ll have time to react later. In reality, restraining order hearings can move quickly, and temporary orders can significantly affect your life before you’ve had an opportunity to fully defend yourself.
2. Hiding or Moving Assets
Asset hiding is one of the most feared divorce tactics, especially in high-net-worth cases. While true “secret offshore account” scenarios are less common than people think, attempts to obscure income or complicate financial tracing do happen.
Some common tactics include:
- Routing money through multiple business entities
- Delaying distributions from companies
- Paying income into trusts instead of personal accounts
- Underreporting income
- Moving funds between LLCs or corporations
Often, the goal is not necessarily to make money disappear forever. Instead, the strategy may be to make uncovering it so expensive and emotionally draining that the other spouse gives up pursuing it.
How Asset Tracing Works
Family law litigation provides tools for uncovering hidden assets through discovery, including:
- Subpoenas
- Depositions
- Document requests
- Interrogatories
- Forensic accounting
- Private investigations
Even when money is difficult to trace, courts can “charge” a spouse with income that appears unaccounted for until they adequately explain where it went.
What You Can Do
If you suspect financial misconduct:
- Gather financial records early
- Save tax returns, bank statements, and business documents
- Pay attention to unfamiliar entities or accounts
- Work with an experienced attorney who understands complex financial cases
The more organized you are at the outset, the harder it becomes for someone to manipulate the financial picture.
3. The “Starve-Out” Strategy
One of the most emotionally exhausting tactics in divorce is what I call the “starve-out.” This occurs when one spouse intentionally drags out litigation, withholds support payments, or forces repeated court appearances knowing the other person may lack the emotional or financial resources to keep fighting.
Here’s what it can look like:
- Refusing to pay court-ordered support
- Delaying document production
- Ignoring settlement terms
- Forcing repeated enforcement actions
- Increasing legal costs to pressure the other side into giving up
This tactic can be particularly effective when one spouse has significantly greater financial resources or more experience with business or litigation. Eventually, some people become so emotionally depleted that they decide pursuing enforcement simply isn’t worth the stress anymore.
The Importance of Self-Enforcing Orders
One of the best ways to reduce future conflict is to negotiate settlement agreements with built-in enforcement mechanisms.
For example:
- Automatic wage withholding
- Liens against property
- Automatic home sale provisions
- Access to accounts upon nonpayment
- Specific deadlines and consequences
The more specific and self-executing an order is, the less likely you’ll need to return to court later. Vague agreements often create future litigation. Clear agreements create accountability.
4. “Gotcha” Litigation Tactics
Many people fear the dramatic courtroom surprise, where one side suddenly introduces damaging evidence at the last minute. While real-life litigation is rarely as dramatic as television, there are still situations where attorneys attempt to introduce late evidence or use selective information out of context to create a damaging narrative.
Common examples include:
- Presenting partial text conversations
- Producing surprise exhibits
- Raising accusations late in trial
- Omitting context from emails or communications
In many cases, these tactics rely on catching the other side emotionally unprepared.
The Best Defense: Preparation
One of the most important things you can do during divorce is to be completely honest with your attorney. If there’s a text message, social media post, financial issue, or incident you’re worried about, tell your lawyer before the other side brings it up. Your attorney cannot effectively protect you from surprises they don’t know exist. Being organized, informed, and proactive dramatically reduces the power of “gotcha” tactics.
Knowledge Is Protection
Most divorces do not involve extreme litigation tactics. But when they do occur, they can have serious emotional and financial consequences. The best protection is preparation:
- Stay organized
- Preserve records
- Consult experienced professionals early
- Understand the legal process
- Avoid reacting emotionally
- Be proactive instead of reactive
Divorce is already difficult enough. The more informed you are, the better equipped you’ll be to make thoughtful decisions and protect your future.
Like this article? Check out “5 Steps in the Divorce Process”