Once someone decides to get divorced, they usually want the process behind them as soon as possible. So when months go by and it feels like very little is happening, one of the most common questions becomes: Why does divorce take so long?
I hear that question regularly. A divorce can take time for many reasons, and not all are within your control. The other spouse may be delaying the process, complicated financial issues may need to be sorted out, or life may simply get in the way. There are also things you can do to help keep the case moving.
Sometimes the Other Spouse Is Delaying the Process
Sometimes a spouse just doesn’t want the divorce. Sometimes they are angry about it or are having difficulty accepting that the marriage is over. Whatever the reason, that can show up as failing to provide requested information, providing incomplete information, or doing the bare minimum when responding to requests.
When that happens, more questions, document requests, or a deposition may be necessary. In other cases, every issue becomes a battle. Even something routine can require court involvement. If real estate needs to be appraised, for example, the person living in the home will need to allow the appraiser access. Refusing to cooperate adds unnecessary time and expense.
Your Attorney Should Help Keep Things Moving
Sometimes delays involve the attorneys as well. A good attorney should be willing to tell a client when a fight is worth having and when it is not. That may include explaining that refusing to cooperate will lead to more discovery, more questions, and possibly more court involvement. It can be an uncomfortable conversation, but it is part of the attorney’s job. The goal should be to resolve the issues, not create conflict for the sake of conflict.
A Lack of Financial Information Can Create Major Delays
Another issue I see frequently is when one spouse handled most of the family’s finances during the marriage. Divorce can leave the other spouse trying to identify bank accounts, retirement accounts, investments, insurance policies, assets, debts, and account balances from scratch. Gathering that information takes time, particularly when someone knows an account or policy exists but does not know where it is held.
One of the biggest mistakes is leaving financial disclosure forms blank simply because you do not know every detail. Provide whatever you do know. If you know your spouse has a retirement account but do not know where it is held, say that. If you know there is a life insurance policy but do not know the company or policy number, include that information. Your attorney can help obtain the rest.
Financial disclosures and document requests can be overwhelming, and I often see clients put them aside because they are not sure where to begin. A short delay can quickly become weeks or months of lost time. If you are struggling with the financial side of the process, ask for help. A divorce financial professional or another qualified professional may be able to help you organize the information and understand what needs to be provided.
Life Happens During Divorce
Even when everyone is cooperating, divorce does not happen in a vacuum. People have jobs, children, illnesses, vacations, family emergencies, and work obligations. Those realities can slow the process down.
That is normal. Divorce is important, but it cannot be the only thing happening in your life. You may occasionally need to focus on your children, your job, your family, or your own well-being while the legal process continues.
Pick Your Battles
Another way to keep a divorce from dragging on is to recognize that not every issue can become a battle. Some decisions will significantly affect your long-term future. Others may feel just as important in the moment because they are tied to emotion, history, or anger. Try to distinguish between the two.
Maybe the disagreement involves furniture, a boat, or a holiday exchange time. There may be a story behind the issue that your attorney does not fully know, and those emotions are real. But it is still worth asking whether the decision will materially change your life. You may have one or two issues on which you truly need to stand your ground. If every issue becomes the most important issue, however, the case will usually take longer and cost more.
Try to Think Forward, Not Backward
Divorce is filled with history. Hurt, anger, betrayal, and years of memories can make it difficult to separate emotion from the legal and financial decisions that need to be made. When possible, step back. If you can take 24 hours before making a decision, do it. Talk to your attorney and consider the long-term consequences.
Ask yourself where the decision will leave you in the next chapter of your life. That is often more productive than asking what feels fair based on what happened during the marriage. The decisions you make now will affect your future far more than they will change the past.
Stay in Communication with Your Attorney
If you have not heard from your attorney in a while and are wondering what is happening, it is reasonable to check in. You do not need to send a long email. Sometimes a brief request for a status update is all that is needed.
You should also keep track of what your attorney has asked you to do, gather requested documents, and respond promptly when information is needed. In my practice, I also contact clients when I need an update or a decision. Communication works both ways, and a steady flow of information helps maintain momentum.
Don’t Rush Just Because You Are Exhausted
There is an important difference between moving a divorce forward and rushing it. Most people want the case over, but speed should not be the only goal. A divorce may determine how assets are divided, what happens with the home, and how parenting responsibilities are handled. Those decisions should not be made simply because you are exhausted or tired of the conflict.
Moving too quickly can lead to decisions you later regret. Most cases benefit from steady progress: no unnecessary delay, but no rushed decision-making either. The goal is to make thoughtful decisions you can live with for the long term.
The Goal Is to Be Done, Not Just Finished
Most divorces eventually get resolved. The best outcome, however, is not always the fastest one. The goal is to reach an agreement you understand, can live with, and will not spend years regretting.
If your divorce is taking longer than expected, ask what is causing the delay. Stay engaged, provide the information your attorney needs, respond to requests, and focus on the issues that truly matter. Most importantly, make decisions with your future in mind, not just your desire to have the case over.
Like this article? Check out “Divorcing a Narcissist: The Legal Perspective“
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