We know it’s not the holidays anymore, but we want to talk about one of our favorite movies: It’s a Wonderful Life. We both watch it every year, sometimes more than once, because it’s funny, heartfelt and entertaining. But there’s something else. This movie helps people rethink their entire purpose in life. And who better to do that than people going through a divorce?
In the film, George Bailey feels trapped. He wanted to travel the world, but life kept pulling him in other directions. He became a husband, a father, a businessman, and eventually someone who felt overwhelmed, defeated, and hopeless. At his lowest point, he says the words many people in pain think but rarely say out loud: I wish I’d never been born.
During divorce, those thoughts often show up in different forms.
“My life is over.”
“The best years are behind me.”
“I wish I never married this person.”
“I’ll never be happy again.”
We both know, because we both lived there.
When Pain Takes Over Your Thinking
During divorce, emotions can completely control your thoughts, and you can become overwhelmed by pain and fear, and have a hard time thinking clearly. People think things like, ‘ I wish I had never married my ex. I wished I had never gone down that road at all.’
But as we are both decades past divorce, we can see how short-sighted that thinking is. We both have children, and wonderful memories, moments, and experiences that would never have existed if we’d never married our ex’s.
But when you’re in the middle of divorce, logic rarely wins. Pain is loud. Fear is louder.
From Phil:
My divorce lasted three and a half years. It was long, drawn-out, and exhausting. Toward the end, I started to realize that my mindset wasn’t just hurting me, it was stealing my focus and energy from where it belonged, especially from my kids. I had allowed the circumstances to define who I was instead of choosing who I wanted to be.That realization changed everything.
Faith, Control, and Peace
Divorce makes you feel completely out of control. You can’t control what your ex does. You can’t control what a judge decides. You can’t control how long the process lasts or how painful it becomes.But you can control how you show up.
Faith helps you stop obsessing over what you can’t control and focus on what you can. It helps you see your worth differently, not based on money, success, or status, but based on who you are as a person, as a parent, as a friend, and as a believer in God.
Peace does not mean the pain disappears overnight. It means the pain no longer runs the show.
Looking in the Mirror Instead of Pointing Fingers
There are two paths people tend to take during divorce.
One path is self-reflection. It’s uncomfortable. It requires honesty. It means looking in the mirror and saying, “What did I contribute? What do I need to change? How can I be better?”
The other path is blame. Everything is the other person’s fault. Years go by, and the anger never leaves. We all know people who are still talking about their divorce a decade later, stuck in the same story, replaying the same resentment.
From Phil:
Through counseling, self-work, and a lot of humility, I started to understand myself better. I quit drinking. I went to therapy, even though I once thought therapy was weakness. I learned why I couldn’t stand being alone and why I tied my value to success and approval. That work took years, not weeks. But it allowed me to heal in a real way. And it allowed me, eventually, to build a healthy marriage again, one based on accountability, communication, and mutual respect.
Your Life Is Not Over, It’s Changing
One of the most powerful messages in It’s a Wonderful Life is when Clarence the angel shows George Bailey what the world would look like if he had never existed. George finally sees the ripple effect of his life, and how much he mattered to people he never even realized he had touched.
Divorce makes it easy to forget your value and your purpose in life. If you’re struggling, here’s an exercise inspired by the movie. Think about the people in your life and ask yourself where they would be if they had never known you. Your kids. Your siblings. Your friends. Your coworkers.
Even better, call a few of them and ask. Ask them what you mean to them and how you’ve impacted their lives. Write it down. Read it when you feel worthless or afraid.
You matter more than you think.
A Wonderful Life Is Still Ahead
Divorce can feel demonic in the sense that it brings out the worst emotions imaginable. Pain, anger, resentment, fear, and loneliness can convince you that this is all there is.
It isn’t.
Getting divorced can become an opportunity, not an easy one, but a powerful one. An opportunity to heal. To grow. To understand yourself. To build a life that is healthier and more authentic than the one you lost.
It takes work. It takes support. It takes time. And sometimes it takes faith, therapy, coaching, or all three.
But we promise you this: your story is not over. Your life can still be wonderful, even during divorce, and absolutely after it.
You just have to be willing to believe that, and then do the work to make it true.
Like this article? Check out “Divorce is Devastating. My Story”