When people talk about divorce and being a single parent, they often focus on the stress, the loneliness, the fear, and the uncertainty. And they are not wrong. Being a single parent can feel overwhelming. It can feel isolating. It can stretch you emotionally, financially, and mentally in ways you never imagined.
But, after decades as a foster parent and later as an adoptive parent, and co-founder of the National Association for Single and Divorced Families (NASDF), I can also tell you this: Being a single parent can become one of the most transformative and empowering experiences of your life. Not because it is easy. But because it teaches you strengths you never knew you had.
Asking for Help Is Not Weakness
One of the biggest misconceptions people have, especially parents going through divorce, is that they are supposed to handle everything alone. I understand that mindset deeply.
As men, many of us were raised believing we had to be strong all the time. We were taught to fix problems ourselves, push through stress, and never admit when we were struggling. But the truth is, parenting was never meant to happen in isolation.
I learned that lesson firsthand when I became a foster parent to a 13 years old young man. When he moved into my home, I was living the single life but as many of us do, I eventually reconnected with my ex when he shared he had prostate cancer. The nurturer in me, and at that time, a person who only knew conditional love, re-established our relationship.
During one particularly difficult season, everything seemed to collapse at once. My son, who was now 15, announced he had quit school and quit his job. My ex was in the midst of chemo and was in a great deal of pain and I was rebuilding a house that our family was going to be moving into. Overwhelmed emotionally, and completely exhausted, I reached a breaking point. So, I did something many parents struggle to do, I asked for help.
The foster group I was part of, who was run by a woman named Amy, had offered to step in temporarily to help support any of us who might need a breather from our foster kids. I never took that offer seriously until my life became overwhelming. Amy stepped up and what started as a short break eventually evolved into an unexpected but beautiful co-parenting relationship. My son enjoyed his relationship with Amy and would often go back and forth from my house to hers and she became a mother figure in my son’s life. What we soon realized is we had created a supportive co-parenting dynamic. So much so, that Amy ended up adopting him as his mom and I adopted him as his dad. He ended up taking both of our last names, Platt and Rolnick, and creating his own last name – Plattnick.
That experience taught me something important; strong parents are not the ones who never need help. Strong parents are the ones who recognize when support is necessary.
Financial Stress Can Feel Crushing
One of the biggest fears single parents face is financial insecurity and divorce changes everything financially. Suddenly, a two-household income becomes one. Expenses increase. Income changes. One party might have two households to support and the other at home parent now needs to re-enter the job force. And for many people, divorce is the first time they fully understand their financial reality.
I have seen countless situations where one spouse handled all the finances during the marriage, leaving the other completely unaware of what monthly expenses actually looked like. That creates enormous fear after separation.
I experienced financial hardship myself during the Great Recession and I was ending a 14-year relationship at the same time. Being in real estate, my income disappeared overnight but my financial obligations remained the same. I went from earning a strong living to struggling to pay for food, electricity, car payments, all of it became overwhelming and terrifying. But what I’ve learned over-time is, during the most trying periods of your life, you learn the greatest lessons. As I like to say, without discomfort you can’t grow. The recession was the greatest growth periods of my life.
I learned to separate money from self-worth. I learned how to prioritize my needs and wants. It even gave me clarity as to who I partner with and how I want to be loved unconditionally. Most importantly, I learned that rebuilding happens one step at a time.
If you are newly divorced or becoming a single parent, do not try to solve everything immediately. Start with the basics. What do you truly need right now?
- Food
- Housing
- Stability for your children
- Insurance
- Transportation
Once those essentials are covered, you can begin rebuilding the larger vision for your future. One of the smartest things anyone considering divorce can do is meet with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) or financial professional who understands divorce-specific planning.
Clarity reduces fear and understanding your finances gives you power.
Loneliness Is Real, But It Does Not Last Forever
There were weekends when I sat home alone while friends talked about the amazing social lives they were enjoying. I remember feeling disconnected and isolated. Divorce changes your social structure. Friends shift. Routines disappear. Family dynamics dissolve.
For many single parents, especially in the beginning, loneliness can feel unbearable. But loneliness is not permanent. One of the most important things you can do after divorce is intentionally create a new support system. That might mean reconnecting with old friends. Joining a support group. Finding community organizations. Scheduling social time, even when you do not feel like it or simply asking someone to grab coffee.
Have you ever heard of the “Blue Zones”? It’s a study about the secret to longevity. What they found is, having a community around you that you socialize with on a regular basis is one aspect of living longer. Living isolated does lead to an earlier death.
What I found is, the friends that offered to treat me to dinner, listen to me without dispensing advice, checking on me periodically became deeper friendships than I ever had during my relationship. I also had clarity as to who I invited into my life, who I confided in and who I spent my time with. If it’s a handful of good friends, you are a very blessed human being.
Children Need Stability More Than Perfection
One of the scariest parts of single parenting is realizing that you are now the primary decision-maker in many situations. You worry about everything; what happens if your child gets sick in the middle of the night? What if you make the wrong decision? What if you fail? These fears are incredibly common but here is what I have learned:
- Children do not need perfect parents. They need present parents – don’t be afraid to apologize to your child if you screw up. It makes you human and imperfect and shows your children what accountability looks like.
- Toys don’t compensate for time, they become a distraction and your children need your time.
- They need consistency, preferably a schedule. It creates a form of security during an unstable time in their lives. Children thrive when they know what to expect and it provides for emotional safety. Predictability matters.
I still remember the intentional time I spent with my own father after my parents divorced. My dad moved only a few blocks away so we could stay close. We had designated dinner nights every week, and those simple evenings together became some of the most meaningful memories of my childhood.
Ironically, my parents became better friends after their divorce than they ever were during their marriage. And because of that, our family became healthier. That experience shaped how I approached parenting myself.
Co-Parenting Does Not End After Divorce
One of the biggest mistakes parents make during divorce is believing the relationship completely ends when the marriage ends. If you share children, the parenting relationship continues for life.
I saw this firsthand when my own son later went through a divorce. During the process, conflict between him and his former partner intensified. Eventually, I sat both of them down and reminded them of something critical: you may no longer be spouses, but you are still parents together and your child still needs both of you. That perspective changed everything.
The healthiest co-parenting relationships are not built on perfection. They are built on communication, intentionality, and mutual focus on the child’s wellbeing.
In many cases, mediation can be an incredibly valuable path because it teaches communication and problem-solving skills instead of simply escalating conflict. Also, a divorce or relationship coach can help you navigate the storm through mental clarity.
The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Children Is Your Time
Many divorced parents feel guilty and when guilt shows up, parents often try to compensate by buying things, such as toys, computers, cars, etc. But children are not primarily looking for stuff. They are looking for connection and the greatest gift you can give your child is your presence.
Some of my favorite parenting memories are incredibly simple. Sitting at the dinner table and talking about their day. Showing up at their sporting events and participating in other interests they might have. They might not always want to share or think you’re asking to many questions but that’s okay, that’s your job.
It’s about being fully present and those moments matter more than expensive vacations or elaborate gifts ever will. Children remember how safe they felt with you. They remember your attention and time spent with each other.
You Are Stronger Than You Think
If you are currently navigating divorce or learning how to become a single parent, I want you to hear this clearly – You are more capable than you realize.
Will there be difficult days? Absolutely. Will there be fear, stress, and moments of uncertainty? Of course. But over time, something powerful begins to happen. You start trusting yourself. You realize you can make hard decisions. You recognize your resilience. You become stronger, wiser, and more grounded. Most importantly, your children see that strength too.
At NASDF, we created the National Association for Single and Divorced Families because no one should have to navigate this journey alone. Families need support, resources, guidance, and community. And you can gain financial reassurance by insuring your child support and alimony payments with Support Insured.
Divorce may change your life. But it does not have to destroy it. In many cases, it becomes the beginning of a healthier, more intentional future for both parents and children.
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