When it comes to parents, I hit the lottery. Although no childhood is perfect, I had the gift of both a mom and a dad who were loving, caring and supportive. My dad, Zack Pilossoph, who passed away in 2017, was an amazing person in business, in our community, to his friends, and of course, to his family. In honor of Father’s Day, I’d like say happy Father’s Day, Dad! and I’d like to share 10 things I learned from my dad. Of course, these things are the tip of the iceberg, and only a tiny fraction of the impact my dad had on my life, but they are meaningful and I hope they help you.
10 Things I Learned From My Dad
1. Laugh.
I have never met anyone who could make me laugh like my dad could. It makes life’s problems seem so much more manageable. There are a lot of studies that show laughter as a major stress reducer, and that people who laugh are generally happier in life. Particularly in relationships, lighthearted humor is important–even during arguments, you might find that with some laughter, the conflict isn’t a big deal.
2. Give anonymously.
At my dad’s funeral, countless people came up to me and told me stories of how my dad helped them, either financially or by assisting them with something they needed. We never knew. He never shared that information with anyone.
Everyone agrees that giving back feels good. But there are people who give and don’t need to feel recognized for it. That was my dad. Giving without wanting credit is the most beautiful way to give and makes a person feel the true meaning of giving.
3. Professional success boils down to three things: passion, focus and perseverance.
When I was in seventh grade, my dad started a business. Through junior high and high school, I watched him build it from the ground up. He never complained, but I could see how hard he was working, how worried he was, at times, and how much he wanted to be successful. He was a true entrepreneur, and looking back (I didn’t see it as a kid), I think he was bursting with excitement, at times, especially when he started to see success.
He told us stories later in his life about the obstacles he overcame, and about thinking outside the box and making things happen that other people said never could. My dad ended up selling his business and retiring at age 60. He told me that building the business was the best time of his life, and that he was almost depressed when selling because he would miss that feeling of nurturing and building something. He described it as “a high that was better than any drug.” My dad also talked about his love of our country, (which he served in the military), and about the opportunities available to everyone, only in America.
4. Keep your dignity.
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer at age 81. He beat it and lived for another 9 years. When he was going through treatments, it was painful to see him so thin and frail, and tired, and nauseous. But he never complained and he wasn’t angry or bitter about it. He didn’t play the victim. He took his chemo and I could see how sick it made him, but he did what he had to do. He got through it with quiet determination and grace. I always respected and admired that.
5. Never stop learning.
I seriously cannot believe how much my dad knew about everything. How? Because he read books and magazines and newspapers daily. He watched documentaries and went to the theatre and to museums and he traveled. My dad was not college educated and he said it was his biggest regret. Yet I believe he was smarter than any college or MBA grad I knew. He had a curiosity and a love for education, and so he self-educated.
6. Anger is a waste of time.
My dad got angry if I came home after my curfew. That was really the only time I ever saw him angry. That’s not to say he never had anyone make him angry. I’m sure he did. But he dealt with anger in a completely different way than most people. How do I know that?
Because if I would tell him about something or someone who made me angry, he would say things like, “Pray for him/her.” Or, “He/she’s a poor soul.” He never took any wrongdoings personally. He would put it back on the other person and feel sorry for them. I had never seen anything like it. I wish I could be more like that.
7. Reframe the situation.
One time, my sister and my dad were waiting at the gate to get on a flight to Florida. People were getting off the plane that had just landed from Florida. My dad knew two different people who walked off the plane.
The first guy was pale and was sneezing. He told my dad and sister the weather was horrible in Florida. When the next guy got off the plane, he was very tan and looked relaxed. “Enjoy your time down there, it’s beautiful!” My dad told us that was the difference between a good attitude and a bad one, and that a positive mindset could change anything. Now, I’m not saying that the second guy had control over the weather in Florida, but what I took away from it is, control the controllables and find what makes you happy. Mindset shifts are no small thing. They can change any situation for the better.
8. Two of the best good deeds: visiting the sick and helping get someone a job.
9. Most problems are fixable.
Health and quality of life are all you need to make anything possible. One morning, when I was going through my divorce, I called my dad crying. I was telling him my problems and he interrupted me by asking, “How’s your coffee?”
“Why are you asking me that?” I replied.
“It’s good, isn’t it?” he said.
I realized that I hadn’t even thought about how delicious it tasted because I was too focused on everything that was wrong. I didn’t practice any gratitude back then. I wasn’t thinking about how blessed I was that I woke up that morning, that my body was healthy, that I had shelter and food and coffee and fresh air. That my kids were healthy. My dad didn’t give me that lecture. Instead he asked me how my coffee tasted.
If you think about it, there are millions of things going right every single second of every day. We can choose to focus on what’s going wrong, or we can have gratitude for all the good things, control what we can, and do our best to fix problems we have.
I’m not minimizing your problems or your divorce. I know firsthand how painful it is. But there are so many little ways to make each day better and more meaningful, and you have control over all of that. As far as problems go, all you can do is do your best. If you live with integrity and authenticity, I think it will all fall into place.
10. People die, but love never does.
It’s been 9 years, and I can still hear my dad’s voice. I still feel his presence at times, and I talk to him. Mostly, I thank him for being in my life for 52 years, but if you can believe it, I still ask him for advice. And what’s funny is, I get his reply in my head. I’m not sure if he’s answering me from heaven, or if he instilled his values and wisdom in me so much that the answers are clear based on what he would have said if he was here. Maybe it’s a combination. Either way, I will always be grateful that I had the privilege of having him for my dad. When my dad first died, a dear friend told me that when I miss him, I should pinch my skin. Why? She said “Because your skin is his skin.” I never forgot that and I still do it.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad!
You were THE BEST father in every way. Even in heaven, you continue to give me strength, courage, and inspiration to be the best person I possibly can be, as a mother, daughter, wife, sibling, friend, and business person. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for me.