No one wants to be divorced. Let’s start with that. But, it happens and from what I remember, all I could think of at the time was the downside of being divorced: being a single mom, worrying about the kids, having to go back to work, wondering if I was going to be alone forever, feeling like I was alone… I could go on and on. But believe it or not, there are positive effects of divorce, and you just don’t think about them when you are going through a divorce.
In this article, I am going to inspire you by sharing some of the positive effects of divorce. My goal is to get your focus off of your fears and the anxiety of all the changes you are facing, and help you see that life can be really, really wonderful!
I’ll start with a conversation I had with a member of the Divorced Girl Smiling Facebook group, who has been going through a divorce for about 2 years…
First, the negatives:
He is fighting my prenup and is so greedy and venomous towards me…. And you were the one who taught me that it’s common for the cheater to be a jerk (yep! That’s occurring for me ); and I love and agree with your theory that it’s likely that the cheater has to make you the villain to attempt to justify their behavior so they can live with themselves.
I describe the last two years as this… it’s like I have these two lives running parallel to each other…
On the one (rough) side I have this seemingly unending divorce, with the collateral damage of lost friends (you also explained to me!) and even a dad who abandoned me due to his wife being jealous of the attention he was giving me in being supportive of me. There have been days I wondered if I was going to make it.
Before you get depressed and forget why I wrote this article, I want to share this woman’s positive effects:
I’ve had some of the best and most amazing things happen in the last two years! I started a new career as a commercial lender – something I didn’t think I could do! I was accepted on the school’s foundation board. I taught a JA class, my kids are doing well (after the initial shock).
During that first 4 months I don’t think I had an unanswered phone call – my friends were so supportive! I felt so cared for and loved! And I’ve really enjoyed dating! Initially I dated a guy who’s liked me since I was 11. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half. I look at this side and think I’ve had some of my best days and times ever!
This statement right here says it all:
While I didn’t choose this to happen, I think my STBX held me back. I’m excited for what’s to come!
This woman and her attitude is not uncommon. I know it doesn’t seem like there are any positives when it comes to divorce, but I promise, at time goes by, those moments of empowerment, independence, and even joy, yes JOY will be all yours!
Here are 7 positive effects of divorce:
1. Dating, believe it or not can be fun. It’s all in your attitude about it. Don’t expect too much and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to meet the love of your life.
2. You get to parent the way YOU want to parent. You are the boss. When you feel like a good parent, you can feel the love of your kids. They love you, I promise. Even if they like your ex’s new girlfriend, believe me, they love you a million times more.
3. As time goes by, you realize how much more peaceful the household is. There is no more walking on eggshells, living with someone you aren’t speaking to, arguments, etc. The kids feel it, too.
4. You might have to go back to work or change jobs. It’s very stressful and scary at first, but it will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened. You’ll see!
5. When you start healing and start forgiving yourself (and maybe even your ex), you start growing and you start to find self-love you never had.
6. You realize how strong you are, how much adversity you have faced and have handled. There’s a certain grace that goes with those thoughts.
7. You become so much more independent and those fears you had dissipate, and are replaced by feeling so great about yourself. It’s like “I got this!”
In closing, I know your divorce is hard. I know you are struggling and you are sad and scared. Also, I’m not saying that you have to wait two years to reap any of these positive effects of divorce. I’d say, based on my own experience, that some of these things start happening the first month you are separated. What I mean is, people think those first few months of a separation are awful 100% of the day every day. I’ll admit they are hard, but as long as you have love in your life (from family and friends) you will have moments of happiness even in your darkest days and the learning curve you will be on will be steep and meaningful. I wish you all the best!
