Why do we worry? It’s a question I want to ask my dog, actually. He’s getting older, and recently, every time we leave the house, he starts getting anxious and has even started barking as we walk out the door. The poor little guy is worried. Maybe he’s worried about being alone. Perhaps he’s worried that we won’t come home, and he won’t know what to do about eating or going to the bathroom. Or, maybe he’s worried about us getting home safely.
Obviously, I can’t ask him, but my dog’s worries are what sparked the idea for this article, because I can’t understand why something so little as us leaving the house would worry him. It occurred to me that maybe someone could say the same thing when I’m worried about something.
Example: I worry when going for medical tests. I think ‘What if something comes back abnormal?’ I worry when I fly. ‘What if something on the plane malfunctions and we get into a crash?’ I worry about my kids. ‘What if they get mugged? Or they get sick?” Name it, I worry about it. I’ve always been a worrier. I think every mom is, and I also think we all worry more as we age, probably because we’ve seen bad things happen to others.
But did you notice that whatever I was worried about, my mind went to “What if?” That is the first tip in how you can stop worrying.
How to stop worrying
- Just stop saying or thinking “What if.” Take it out of your vocabulary.
“What if my ex gets the house?”
“What if my kids grow up screwed up because of the divorce?’
“What if I run out of money?”
“What if I never meet someone and I’m alone and 70?”
Is it productive to ask these questions? NO! First off, did you know that less than 5% of what you are worried about is going to actually happen? That is a TRUE STATEMENT. Secondly, the words “what if” are unproductive. They aren’t real. So in a sense, you are making yourself crazy about the future, which has not happened yet.
2. Train your brain to think differently.
Regarding the “What if’s,” whenever you find yourself asking something that starts with “What if,” the next question should be the opposite.
“What if I get the house?”
“What if my kids grow up happy and healthy because my ex and I are better co-parents than we are husband and wife living under the same roof, and the kids benefit from our choice to divorce?
“What if I end up working really hard and get a better job than I have now, and end up climbing the corporate ladder and making more money than I ever thought I was capable of making?
“What if I never meet anyone, but I have a truly wonderful life and am really happy? Or, what if I meet the love of my life in 3 years?”
If you reverse your course of thinking, things things are going to happen: One, you are going to stop talking negatively, and two, you are going to manifest good things in your life. And three, you are not going to worry as much! Worry will turn to excitement!
3. Bring God into your life.
Faith and God are the most powerful thing we will ever know. I just heard a man speak on how his son passed away, and he had never been a spiritual person, but that he turned to God because he didn’t know where else to turn. He believes that his faith has saved his life, and has helped him deal with his loss.
When you feel worried about something, a lot of times most of the worrying is because you feel like you can’t control what you are worried about. That’s true, actually. I can’t control whether or not my blood tests are going to come back normal. But there’s something you can do and I would suggest doing it often: pray.
Ask God for His help. That’s all you have to do.
Whatever this life brings, remember that God loves you. If you don’t think that’s true, you are very very wrong. No matter what you have done, how you’ve behaved, and what mistakes you have made, God forgives you and He loves you.
It’s also important to thank God for the things you have-the things you aren’t currently worried about. And, of course, it’s very important to trust God. He has a reason for everything-even all those prayers you feel went unanswered, He is listening and He will answer them-so many times in ways you will never know or understand. If you trust Him, you can be at peace with that, can’t you? Diving into your faith will crowd out the worrying.
4. Take control of what you can.
You can’t control how your ex is acting. You can’t control how a judge is going to rule in your case. You can’t control how your kids act. And if you worry about these things, obviously it’s just a complete waste of time and energy.
What you can control is YOU. You can work with a divorce coach or a therapist or both to learn how to interact with a difficult ex. You can decide to go to mediation to avoid a judge making decisions for your life. (And if mediation is out of the question, then this is something you cannot control and you have to deal with it the best you can.) About your kids, you can talk to them, or get them a good therapist, or a million other things to try to help them as best you can.
You can control your lifestyle. You can control your physical health. You can control who you hang out with. You can control how happy you are. You can control where you work and what you do for a living. You can control the way you parent. There is a lot you can control, so why not focus on taking action on the things you can control instead of worrying about what you can’t?
Remember this: Worrying is terrible for your health and wellbeing-both emotional and physical. And sometimes I think we worry because there are big things at stake! A bad test result or one of your kids getting mugged is a big deal! And plane crash, of course…let’s not even go there. But the next time your worry about something, ask yourself if it’s doing any good. I bet you’ll answer no. In fact, not only is it not doing any good, it’s unproductive and toxic. Shift your focus from thinking about your fake future-which is what worrying is, to being present and having joy and/or taking control and being productive today. Right now.
I wish I could tell my dog, (who starts getting edgy and following me around the house while I’m getting ready to go out) to go enjoy his toy and stop worrying about the next couple hours. What I will say is that when I get home, he always seems well-rested, calmer, and excited to see me. So, maybe he has his own coping mechanisms for worrying.
Like this article? Check out “Sit Still: Great Advice-Especially During Divorce”
The post Why Do We Worry and How Do We Stop? appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs.